How I Got Here

1980

Born. Literally bursting into the 80s, as it happened. I was nearly called Dawn but instead my mother named me after the woman who shot JR Ewing.

1987

My poem, 'When I Grow Up' is printed in the St Catherine's School Magazine. For anyone interested, I wanted to be a teacher.

1994

I am 14. I have terrible hair. A career compatibility quiz tells me I am 97% suited to being a writer. This is not a suitable career choice in an all girls' grammar school. I pretend I really want to be a lawyer instead.

1997

I do work experience at The Times where I have my first snog outside Tower Hill tube station. I also do work experience with a criminal barrister where I sit in courtrooms and write to help keep me awake.

2001

I graduate from Bristol University. During the course of my degree, I have my heart broken 3 times. My diary hears a lot about this trauma.

2004

I meet someone called Nick at a wedding exactly one month before I'm due to go and teach in Japan. I leave. Jetlag leads me to pen essay-length letters and emails to him. This does not scare him off.

2006

After two years of travelling and long distance, Nick and I delve into the deep unknown and have a baby. The baby has big eyes like Minstrels and looks a bit like a Monchichi. We return to the UK. Slightly intimidated by mother-baby groups and my new role in life, I stay in a lot and write a novel, I See You Baby. On a whim, I enter it into the Miss Write competition, run by Little, Brown, Cosmopolitan and Waterstone's.

2007

I See You Baby is placed runner-up in the Miss Write competition. Joy is followed by complete bewilderment as I learn I know nothing about this writing malarkey. What just happened may have just been a complete fluke. I research agents. A few ask to see the full manuscript and again I am joyful. But then I learn a lot about agents, about the phrase, ‘I love it but...’ and the general fear and loathing that comes from a one-sentence rejection letter.

I See You Baby is turned down 14 times.

2008

Despite being from the North and not being able to say the word 'bath' properly, I marry the very lovely Nick. We start a whole new chapter in our lives and move to Singapore.

My very first short story, The Birth, wins the inaugural short story competition and is published in Expat Living (Singapore).

2009

My daughter is born. She has so much hair for a baby that one day someone stops me in the street and asks me if she's wearing a wig.

Pursuing an agent proves difficult living abroad. I keep writing short stories, road test different genres and try (and fail) to write poetry.

When baby is four months old, I get my hand stuck in a food blender. I marvel at my own cack-handedness; this also puts a small halt to writing.

2010

Short stories Vol 1:  Aadvark-Aztec and Odd Socks are published in the Read for READ International short story anthology and Mslexia. Ward 51: Wings is shortlisted and winner of the Readers’ Prize in the Riptide Journal (Vol 6). Short stories Rasa Sayang and Jesus on a Washcloth are longlisted for the Bristol Prize and the Momaya Press Short Story Competition. I write Bailey Force Three: chick lit with spies. My husband thinks it’s funny but he also likes marzipan so I don’t always trust his opinion.

2011

We add another boy to the brood; big lad, thighs like pork chops. I get shingles and spend a month holed up at home. One day, a US TV cookery show pisses me off to the point of inspiration and Souper Mum is born. An agent who read my short story in Mslexia asks to see more of my work so I send her my novel. I work with a great editor for about a year but she leaves the agency to go live abroad and interest in my novel wanes. I participate in the Write Forward courses for emerging writers run by the British Council in Singapore.

2012

My family and I move back to the UK. A lot of writing remains shelved as I get the kids settled and sort out the wreck of a house I live in (note: don’t marry an architect who thinks he’s Kevin McCloud...). I say shelved: I lose a bit of confidence and bin most of what I start. An addiction to online Scrabble and binge-watching box sets doesn't help things.

2013

We get a rescue dog called Barney.  He eats my shoes. He’s supposed to be our 4th child but the following month, I fall pregnant. Short story Rasa Sayang published in Mslexia and Jesus on a Washcloth is notable contender for the Bristol Prize.

2014

#4 is a girl. I fear I may never write again as she proves to be one of those non-sleeping baby types. Then life gets real; #3 falls really ill in November. I spend a lot of time in hospitals, staring at very little children hooked up to machines and have one of those moments where you realise life is indeed too bloody short. Time to get your shit back out there, lady.

2015

Souper Mum is resurrected and places 2nd in the Accent Press Writing Competition in association with Woman Magazine.

Accent Press sign it up, its sequel and I See You Baby in a three book deal. I do the best kitchen dancing the world has ever seen.

Short fiction published on 1000words and Visual Verse.

P.S #3 is fine, full recovery made.

2016

Souper Mum is published on 16 June 2016. I turn 36 which my husband tells me is no longer my mid-thirties. He is wrong. Second Helpings is published on the 17 November 2016. I get my fourth tattoo.

2017

I'll be honest; the books don't really set the literary world alight but I get some decent reviews and have a lovely time doing signings, writing workshops and library talks.  Accent drop the option for my third book. It's a learning experience that's edifying but bloody emotional.

2018

I'm writing but it's a bloody slog. My newest work is set in Kendal and features a fair bit of mintcake. I conduct a few children's writing workshops and occasionally I get a nice review that makes me smile. I part ways with Accent and think about packing in this writing lark. 'Tutensuppengluck' - the German translation of 'Souper Mum' is released in May.

2019

A year of two halves. January, I have to buy 432 copies of my books before they're pulped and I try to sell them out of my front room. I cry a lot. I try to keep on going. That novel I'm piecing together becomes Captain Mintcake and I enter it into the inaugural Comedy Women In Print Prize. I make it onto the longlist. From tears in January to standing next to Jilly Cooper at the awards ceremony in July. By August, that book has a home with the lovely people at Bookouture. Two book deal in the bag. I admittedly have to write like a motherfucker though.

2020

Captain Mintcake becomes Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life? It's not a title my husband approves of but then we've talked about his terrible taste. It is released on Valentine's Day. In two weeks, it tops the Kobo Chart, rises to #2 in the Apple Books Chart and becomes a Top Ten bestseller on Amazon, going to #1 in the charts for Women's Humorous Fiction. I kitchen dance like a fucking loon most evenings to know people are actually reading my books. My next book, Can I Give My Husband Back? is released in June. It tops the Apple Book Charts.

2021

I am WRITING FOR MY LIFE. Through a pandemic no less but now's the moment and I've had fifteen odd years waiting for the right time that will never come. Did My Love Life Shrink In The Wash?' is released in January and How Much Wine Will Fix My Broken Heart?' is released in June. Rights deals come flying in from Germany, Turkey, Russia and Czechia.

2022

Am I Allergic To Men?' is released in February, the youngest sister's story released on the birthday of my youngest daughter. It's a wonderful moment of kismet and a bittersweet goodbye to a series of books about my five sisters, my official best bitches. I am so so so tired but I got it done. It's my best authorly achievement to date.

In June, I release 'Great Sexpectations' - it's a more romcom style novel. I don't mind romcoms. They raised me in the 90s.

2023

I'm still writing. Great Sexpectations is nominated for the RNA Romantic Comedy Award which is bloody awesome. Didn't win but enjoyed the buffet. I like a buffet. Join Storm Publishing for two more romcoms. 'Sex Ed' is published in July. The cover is fkn ace. 'Five Gold Rings' is published in October 2023. My first Christmas romcom. Santa is coming! Just not like that.